You know, there comes a point where dignity, I guess, must be sacrificed for security. Men, it’s time to wear a kilt to your local airport. Remember not to wear any underwear, in the true Scottish fashion. Wear your kilt proudly. Ask for the “enhanced” pat down. They’re going to have to go up your kilt to really feel if you have anything dangerous (and we know it’s all dangerous down there). For something extra, try filling a long balloon with water and tying this to your waist under your kilt. These encounters, after awhile, will give the TSA an idea of how far we’ve gone to make sure we’re secure.
I think this is an awesome column written by an American, Jennifer Abel, in the Guardian: Get Your Hands Off Me, TSA! She debunks the lies TSA and Janet Napolitano have been saying: that the scanners won’t record images, as she found that one courthouse using the scanner recorded 35,000 images. She also has a link to a TSA agent saying that the patdowns are purposefully invasive to embarrass people into walking through the scanners. Either you submit to being seen naked by a few agents, or you get felt up in public, in front of your kids. She mentions too that there is already a move to jam the scanners on Thanksgiving, by everyone opting out and having the patdown. If they think we’ll be embarrassed into having the scanner, let’s see what happens if they’re pushed into doing the patdowns. Make sure to have them done in public.
And if you got a kilt, wear it. If you don’t have a kilt, buy it. Then come to the airport on November 24th, just before Thanksgiving, for the best sexual harassment you’ve ever had. The TSA doesn’t mind making us uncomfortable or undignified–let’s see what they think when they’re made to service every person coming through the line.
Men, it’s time to gird up your loins.
(Seems like the Atlantic beat me to the idea with their article on commando style kilt wearing on November 24th)