Bear Witness

Bear Me Safely Over

In my new job, as a tarot reader (spiritual life coach), I meet a lot of people who have barely survived evangelical churches. A lot. Many of them are queer like me. Others may not be queer, but they too got judged, hurt, ostracized, and/or punished for years by a church.

Our shop, The Sacred Owl and Salt Room is a sanctuary and a destination for people in East Tennessee who want to still connect to their spirituality and their faith but they don’t know if a church and steeple should come with that faith. And that’s completely understandable. Who goes back to the places that hurt you? Or even the ones that look like those places? However, something is still calling to them, and they don’t know what it is, but they want to hold on to part of the faith they were brought up in, but leave behind the exclusion, the judgement.

They want a God who is strong enough to hold them, but loving enough not to hurt them.

They want this for themselves and they want this for their kids.

Church trauma is multi-generational. When churches exclude one person, there are ripples for generations. When churches abuse one person, there are ripples across families. When the church has no accountability at all then people lose faith in church.

But after my ordeal, I refused to leave my faith in God. However, I needed to get God out of the dangerous images and baggage of evangelicalism.

In this painting, this Bear of the Baptist hymnal bears us over the waters, through the waters. Under the water you can see churches, drowned and downed. Behind the bear, you see just the steeple of one church poking through the surface of the water. I needed the arms of this bear to carry me out of the church I came out in because if I stayed I would have drowned in false doctrine, judgment, self-hatred, conditional relationships, and correction couched as love. The Theology of Exclusionism is dangerous. It moderates and monitors everyone’s behavior till you are experts at shrinking in advance of the accusations. You get used to not questioning what you do or believe, and begin to believe that your denomination alone has all the answers. In a world of hundreds of Christian denominations; in a world of religions and philosophies–you alone have the insight. “They”–whoever doesn’t have the luck of finding your denomination, your church, your pastor– is doomed.

Of course, those shipwrecked after church trauma come to metaphysical shops everywhere. Because these shops offer them the opportunity to rebuild a spiritual life that will allow them room to grow and learn. Spiritual lives come from within. Not from a church. Not from your pastor. Not even from the Bible. Your spiritual life is inherent within you and just needs ways of growing towards truth and peace.

While some may laugh at the completely varied array of books, ideas, sacred objects, healing items here, or that this shop is just capitalizing on confusion, the price of these items is so much smaller than the cost of what many people have already been through. I barely made it through my coming out. I nearly followed through on a plan of self-harm. Other queer people find their sexuality incompatible to their faith, and so they take their own lives. I was almost a statistic because I thought God would rather me die pure than give in to “sin.” That’s how powerful and dangerous bad theology and toxic churches can be.

A tiny stone with the word “courage” on it means more to them than a life of sermons aimed to hurt them. And considering churches suggest that you pay them 10% of what you earn every year, most people would think the stone of courage is very affordable. And it also builds their wounded faith back.

May we all find the courage to build our faith back like these sojourners walking away from churches that hurt them. Piece by piece, stone by stone by candle by poem by affirmation by crystal by singing bowl, they will craft a way to commune with the divine and with their own souls again–and they may pray a few prayers from the book that was used to hurt them, or tell a few stories of courage and faith from that book, or sing a few of the hymns they once knew, because these are salvageable and, after a disaster, will still buoy up your spirit and keep you strong.

“He will keep me till the river rolls its waters at my feet; then he’ll bear me safely over to the loved ones I shall meet. Yes, I’ll sing the wondrous story…”

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If this image spoke to you like it spoke to me, and you want a print of this, or a mug, sticker, button, you can find them here.